IELTS Writing Task 2/ IELTS Essay sample band 5

IELTS Writing Task 2/ IELTS Essay:

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level.

Write an essay either for or against this position.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Sample answer:
Undoubtedly, nowadays, the unemployment rate has risen and as a result less career opportunities there are. Therefore, a significant proportion of graduates think of finding a temporary positions instead of entering higher education and acquiring a university degree. However, in my opinion, these two facts should not be confused because education yourself is vital not only to get a job in the future but also is beneficial for your progressing to a useful individual. So, no matter the situation which is prevailed at the job market, higher education must be supported and promoted.
Little do we know about what will happen in job market in the next decade. Having said that, the thing that we can be sure of is the importance of education. To begin with, someone who invests in his education, except from the learning the he gets, also improves his mental health. More specifically, entering the university in not only about studying but also socialising and exposing yourself to the new experiences. For instance, through university we are taught crucial values such as approaching new people with ease, expressing our emotions, thinking outside of a box and challenging our believes by getting out of our comfort zone. Such important qualifications from our life in the future.
Moreover, in the wake of high unemployment the education has a more signification role than ever before. Studying a subject that you love and become an expert make you more competitive in the job market. Gaining such qualifications allows us to secure a position with more ease and confidence.
In conclusion, we should not forget the present by thinking only about the future, but firstly, we ought to invest in ourselves at the present in order to get the maximum profits in the future and this thing can only happen through education.
Examiner feedback:
Band 5.5
 There are some relevant arguments but these are not  very well developed  and become unclear in places. The organisation of the  answer is  evident through  the use of  fairly simple  connectives  but there are  problems for the reader in  that there are many missing words and word  order is often  incorrect.  The  structures are quite ambitious but often faulty and vocabulary is kept quite simple.