Dorothy Informal Email FCE writing challenge June 2015

Informal email – composition no.4     11/6/2015

You have received an email from your pen friend inviting you for a visit in July. Write a letter to your friend, accepting the invitation, suggesting something you would like to do and asking what you should bring with you. 

You must answer this question. Write your answer in 140- 190 words in an appropriate style on the separate answer sheet.

Dear Perpetuo!

Thanks for your email –it was nice to hear from you. How are you and your family. I hope, that very one is in good condition. I am writing with regard to your invitation. I am so glad you want to spend time with me and with pleasure I will visit you in July.

It’s a great introduction. Sadly, written in a bit formal way. What about contractions??? I’d/ I’m

very one is in good condition – I think you meant everyone. If you say ‘in good condition’ you refer to the physical state/shape. I reckon, you wanted to say: everyone is well/ doing fine

with pleasure I will visit you in July.- I will visit you in July with pleasure 

Anyway lastly I was reading about your home-town and I was wondering would it be possible to do couple things which I am extremely interested? For instance if you don’t mind going theater can we go to William Shakespeare’s theater to see play Romeo and Juliet? What is more I was thinking about bungee jumping. To be honest I have never tried before. I now you can be scary, but I think it is really worth to try. Let me know please if you want to do it. By the way, can you write me back what kind clothes shall I bring with me because I am not sure about the weather. All the same time, can you do me one favour more and write what kind of staff I will be really need. It is really important for my to be prepared properly.

It seems your 2nd paragraph is  a bit long, don’t you think?  You could divide the paragraph into: things you’ve mentioned about the theatre and bungee jumping. You don’t use contractions, why? It’s a informal writing.

Anyway lastly I was reading- Anyway, lately I’ve been reading 

I was wondering would it be possible to do couple things which I am extremely interested? –  I was wondering  whether/if it would be possible to do couple of things which I am extremely interested in together

really worth to try- really worth trying

if you don’t mind going theater can we go to William Shakespeare’s theater to see play – if you don’t mind going to the theatre. We could go to William Shakespeare’s theatre to see a play titled

I have never tried before – I‘ve never tried it before

I now you can be scary – what do you mean?? Scary? maybe scared? I know you can be scary

kind clothes – kind of clothes

All the same time, can you do me one favour more and write what kind of staff I will be really need.- At the same time, can you do me one more favour and write what kind of staff I will be really need.

On the final note, once again thank you for email. Please write me back as soon as possible.

I am looking forward to hear from you soon.

Dorothy.

I look forward to hear from you – I look forward to hearing from.. ( After look forward to- we always use verb+ing)

I’d also add : Love, Dorothy 

Informal email – composition no.3     10/6/2015

You have decided to go on holiday in the country where your English friend lives. Write a letter to your friend, explaining why you have not written for a while, and asking for advice on where to visit, what to see and the best way of travelling round the country.

You must answer this question. Write your answer in 140- 190 words in an appropriate style on the separate answer sheet.

Hi Perpetuo!

Thank you for your last letter. It was nice to hear from you. How you’ve been? I hope that every thing is fine with you and your family. It has been such a long time since we wrote to each other. Apologise for not writing sooner, but I have been abroad for couple weeks and I could not find to time to write.

It’s a good introduction. Well done!! You have you use contractions here

couple weeks and I could not find to time to write – couple of weeks and I could not find to time to write 

REMEMBER: couple of days/ couple of weeks etc 

Do you remember as we were talking about my holiday previously, when you invited me to your town. Well, finally I have decided to arrive you. Nevertheless as much as I want to visit you, I would like to ask for your advice.

It seems your 2nd paragraph is a topic sentence without the continuation. I’d advise joining the next paragraph with this one.

Do you remember as we were talking about my holiday previously, when you invited me to your town – Do you remember as we were talking about my holiday previously, when you invited me to your town

arrive you- I’d change it to: visit you

As you know unfortunately I do not have a car, so it is important to me to know how I can travel around your town? Can you please write me back what is the best way of traveling? I am going to rely on your opinion.

As you know unfortunately – As you know, unfortunately

it is important to me to know how I can travel around your town?are you sure it’s a questions?

write me back what is the best way of traveling? – write me back what the best way of travelling is

Next I was wander, could you please sent me more information about what is really worth to be seen in your town and country. If there are any incredibly, breath taking view to see? It would be wonderful if you can sent me photo of this places.

 

Next I was wander, could you please sent me more information – Next I was wondering if/whether you please send me more information 

worth to be seen – worth seeing

incredibly, breath taking view – incredible, breathtaking views or incredibly breathtaking views

can sent – really??? It’s the same mistake you’ve made in the previous compositions

this places – really???  It’s the same mistake you’ve made in the previous compositions

On the final note, once again thank you for all your help. Please write me back as soon as possible.

I am looking forward to hear from you soon.

Dorothy.

 

I look forward to hear from you – I look forward to hearing from you ( After look forward to- we always use verb+ing)

I’d also add : Love, Dorothy

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